My Stronghold

So, tomorrow I am having a colonoscopy. This is not a fun procedure and its my 4th one since the age of 13. I am supposed to get them routinely every 3-5 years because of my ulcerative colitis. I am LONG overdue for one. I keep hoping for a reason to come up to cancel it; postpone it; like there have been the last three times I've had one scheduled. Alas, I am at the hour of preparation and none have come up. Its not really the procedure itself that I am dreading (or even the inconvenient preparations I am making today). I know I will be in an extensive amount of discomfort and probably won't sleep tonight, but I've done it before. No, these are not my concerns. What concerns me, what is consuming my every thought, what is paralyzing me with fear is what might be found during the scope. In short, I am petrified of CANCER. I have a high possibility of getting it because (1) people with bowel diseases have a greater chance, (2) there is a family history (two uncles and an aunt) and (3) I have a history of polyps. So, you may be able to see why I am anxious about this scope.

Yet again, my health is being used as a stronghold. The enemy is working that fear straight through me, trying to rip me in two. I am trying to pray it away. Worship with song. Read the Word. Meditating on verses like Matt 6:25-34, John 14:27, and Phil 4:6. I KNOW that God is in control. Even if I have cancer, it is in His will. I KNOW THIS. But, still, the fear remains. The enemy crouching in the corner, hoping I'll forsake God in this fear. I am standing firm, by His power alone (Phil 4:13). And, so, despite the rollercoaster of emotions, I have to step back and praise Him. Because He is faithful.

Ironically, last night, I started another series by Francis Chan--this one is from 2005 called "Living with Joy". I've listened to 3 of the 5 and, as usual, am SO convicted to try to live this out! We are called to "Be joyful ALWAYS" (1 Thes 5:16). Always. Not just when prayers are answered and life is good. But ALWAYS. When money is tight, when friends are scarce, when you or someone you love is sick, when your one-year-old baby dies, when you are facing the possibility of cancer. Always.

Time for me to step up!

Psalm 27:1 "The LORD is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid."