That Pull on My Heart

For the first time since October 2007, I returned to the NICU. Not the one Ezra was in (obviously), but at a local hospital. It was my one and only chance to be in the NICU during nursing school. It was an outrotation -- no skills, just observation (and holding babies!). I won't be returning. None of the NICUs here offer preceptorships, so, if I ever do go back to the NICU, it will be as an RN.

And, that, my friends, is exactly what must happen.

After my observation day, that pull God put on my heart almost 7 years ago was so strong. I'm not exaggerating when I say I physically felt this pull throughout my time in the NICU. Any time an alarm sounded, any time one of those wee ones cried, my heart was pulled in their direction. I sat and held one of the littles for about 45 minutes and watched his monitor--his irregular HR, his O2 sats, his respiratory rate. He was so small. But, it was during that time that I meditated on all the things that have gotten me to this point. And, it all seemed to culminate in that moment.

I HAVE to be a NICU nurse.

I know it won't happen right out of the gate. I know I'll have to do my time in some other unit (hoping it can be postpartum or peds). But, in all honesty, this is the only place I've ever felt that pull and I think it's the only place it can be complete.

In 15 months, nursing school will be over (Lord willing). In 16-18 months, I'll be an RN (Lord willing). I cannot guestimate when my badge will say "NICU" on it, but, that's the goal. It's the reason I started and the reason I'll finish. It's the dream come true.