Detoxing

About halfway through my second week of vacation, I started feeling just plain icky.  IBS issues started; headaches; bloating; fatigue.  My body had finally succumbed to the awful diet I had been on for 9 or 10 days.  We'd eaten out more in those days than in the previous 4 months (4 times); I had been consuming a lot more meat than usual (and dairy); I was eating late meals and not sleeping well.  Once at camp, I knew a lot of the food was from cans or boxes and even though I did my best to stick to the fresh fruits and vegetables that week, I was already too far gone to come back.

When we arrived back home, I started our detox.  Lots of fresh fruits and veggies.  Quinoa.  Beans.  Nuts.  And eggs.  I was strictly juicing for 48 hours (just me.  My family got to have "regular" food, though all fresh and nutritious and from scratch).  I felt so much better afterward.  Then, I slowly started adding in the beans and nuts and quinoa.  By week two at home, I was able to add chicken back in to 3-5 meals a week.  It felt good to feel good again.  My body was back on track.

But.....

During camp, I kind of felt like I was having a spiritual detox.  It has been a rough year and for the first time since I became a believer, I started feeling doubtful.  Not about my salvation in Christ, or who He is, or who God is, but about prayer, as I've previously written about.  I had let my circumstances control my beliefs, something I had never done before, not even during our year with Ezra or after his death.  I have definitely allowed my circumstances to affect my mood and my joy and my contentedness, but never had it affected my faith in the power of prayer.  Not until the past year.  But, during camp, God slowly led me away from my doubts.  Not that He answered any prayers directly or with some huge revelation; just with a slow and subtle detox.

What was I detoxing from?  First of all, I was still coming back from the idolatry.  Secondly, I was recovering from the grief of prayers that were not answered how I would have answered them.  My spirit needed refreshing; renewal.  And the solace and beauty of the redwoods at camp aided in that; as well as the sermons and workshops.  The main focus of camp this year was prayer.  And, for the first time in many months, I spent focused time in prayer.  I allowed the spirit to intercede when I had nothing to say.

Coming home, back to every day life, I continued to pick away at the layers of doubt.  I started journaling again, something I hadn't done in almost a year.  I started praying, really praying with my husband again (not just sitting silently beside him thinking about something else as he prayed), I started daily worship time again--something I hadn't done in YEARS.  Not since my kids were little and still napped.

I can't say that my physical or spiritual detox is complete.  I'm a firm believer in detox being more of a state of being.  You need to consistently eat right and exercise to maintain good health.  The same can be said for spiritual detox: consistent prayer and worship needs to happen to maintain a healthy spirit.  I a well on my way.