Significance

Recently, my family took a trip to see the Grand Canyon. Even though we've been living in AZ for almost 6 years, none of us had ever been there. I had heard many people say that you had to see it to believe it. No picture, no matter how good the photographer is, can do it justice. I'd seen plenty of photos and always thought, "Wow, that's awesome"--and then I saw it for myself. And, I have to say, I have never felt as insignificant in my entire life as I did when standing above that massive gorge. Anyone who knows me, knows that I've struggled with self-esteem for most of my life, and for me to say that I felt insignificant just by peering down into a canyon should tell you something about its vastness. And I have to confess that I never thought I was afraid of heights before; I had never had problems flying or hiking or standing over cliffs to watch the sun set in the Pacific. But, wow, I had a completely different reaction to the Canyon. I even had a panic attack when trying to hike one trail and had to turn back. It took me by surprise. And confirmed my initial reaction of insignificance.

But, then it got me thinking about significance and how we tend to rely on the wrong things to feel significant. Of course, standing next to a 277 mile long canyon which descends more than mile into the earth is going to make a 120 pound woman feel insignificant. But, for YEARS, I always sought my significance in school. And grades. Since I don't think I'm pretty and never felt particularly talented at anything, I tried to "prove" my worth through accomplishments in school. I got straight As most of my life. There was a two-year period at the end of college where I got really really sick and it took its toll on my grades. I cannot tell you how much that damaged my esteem (even more than how low it already was at that time). To go from a 4.0 to a 3.1 in 4 quarters was hard on me. And I felt defeated, and completely insignificant.

Then, at age 23, I started seeking God in a real way. But, I found reading the Bible made me feel more insignificant because I knew I could never measure up to those people; never be useful to God in that way. After accepting Christ, I was matched with a mentor, who always had quite insightful things to say and she told me, "Try reading these verses but exchanging the pronouns with "me." For example:

"For God so loved ME, that He gave his one and only Son...." ~ John 3:16a

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord MY God goes with ME; he will never leave ME nor forsake ME.” ~ Deut. 31:6

"But God demonstrates his own love for ME in this: While I was still a sinner, Christ died for ME." ~ Romans 5:8

I could go on and on and on, but I think you get the idea. I would pray Scripture and use my name or the "Me" or "I" pronoun. And my esteem improved. I started to get my worth from the Father, and not from anything on earth. I am not saying that I have not struggled with feeling significant, but it helps to know that God knows ME. And He loves ME. I'm not just a grain of sand to Him. He knows my innermost being. He put me together exactly the way He wants me to be. Despite how I might feel about myself or how others feel about me, to Him, I am perfect. And I am significant.