Holding Him Back

I have an assignment from the Church this week. You see, every week on the connection card at church there is a "next step" box. I check it almost every week, with very good intentions of following through with the next step. But, to be honest, I rarely do unless it involves reading the Bible or praying for something specific. This week, we are supposed to write down something we think is hindering God's story for our life and to pray about it. Well, I know exactly what it is for me....I didn't even have to think for a full second. I've known for quite awhile. It is my lack of acceptance for where he has placed us (geographically). Even after nearly 5 years, I still have a difficult time accepting that He wants us here in AZ. Even as I have seen certain things unfold over the past couple years, I am still in denial that this place is home. In my heart, I still have not let go of the idea that CA is home. And it was really holding me back from being a true servant minister for God for quite some time. You see, back at our old church in CA, I was the co-director of the Children's ministry. I have a huge calling to serve the children in the Church. But, I only recently (about 9 months ago) decided to step up and serve on regular basis at our church here in AZ. Sure, I would help out in our kids' classrooms every month (one month in one class, the next in the other child's class), but that was the extent of my serving. And Peter and I have been going to Central for 4 1/2 years now, but only became actual members in January. That's because I didn't want to tie myself to something when I still so desperately wanted to return to CA.

But, in the past year, I am coming to terms with being here. I am still not completely happy about it....and if the opportunity to return to CA should arise, I would jump on it in an instant. But, I realized, I can't be effective if I live my life on pause all the time. And not only that, but I am holding God back from working in my life. So, I am beginning to accept that this is where he wants us right now, and I have even seen some evidence as to why He brought us here. I continue to pray for full contentment in being here, and my life isn't on hold anymore. I serve in two ministries at the church; I have made some wonderful, amazing friends; and I've had a glimpse of how God can use me for His glory. I know I need to fully surrender this desire to move, but I am taking it one step at a time. And He has been faithful all along the journey.

"From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. 'For in him we live and move and have our being.'" ~ Acts 17: 26-28a