Confession

So much for weekly confessions. I could come up with a list of excuses why I haven't kept up with them, but I've already done my list of the week.

Honestly, I haven't been keeping up with my personal prayer journal (including confession) for quite a while. In fact, I am ashamed to say that my prayer life has diminished drastically over the past few months. I say what I refer to as "minute prayers" throughout the day. If I see (through a FB status or something) that a friend needs prayer, I stop and say one for him/her. I pray for a few minutes in the shower. I try to pray just before falling asleep, but usually fall asleep during it. I find that when I try to sit down for quality time with God, that my mind wanders and I cannot focus on the prayer. I am letting the things of this life stifle my relationship with God and I can feel the consequences of that. Some days, I cannot feel the Spirit at all. With our hectic schedules, Peter and I hardly pray together anymore. And I can feel it. I can feel how its affecting my life. There are times when I feel completely void of the Spirit. Like I've ignored Him so much, that He's just not there anymore. My words and my attitudes and my actions have reflected this at times. And life is really hard right now. Without Him.

I want Him back! I want the intimacy and closeness I seem to only read about in books lately. I want to feel the Spirit moving; pushing; guiding. I just want this void to be filled. I am hoping to get it back. Every day I say I am going to start a new routine and it never happens. Maybe I have too much going on....maybe I need to reprioritize. All I know is that I am tired of the way things are....and I miss my God.

Pslam 51: 9-12
Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.