Loss

This past week I heard about yet another family that lost their sweet baby. I don't know this family personally, as they are friends of a friend, but reading about it on my friend's blog I cannot help but feel a connection to them. Losing a child is something one cannot fathom, cannot empathize with unless they have been through it. And you cannot compartmentalize it into a single category, as it looks different for every family. I always tell people that while losing Ezra is the hardest thing I am ever going to go through, it happened in the best way we could have hoped for. It wasn't unexpected, it wasn't a freak accident, or a deteriorating disease like cancer. He didn't die in utero, or at birth. God planned it for us that we would be with Ezra, that we would be holding him, cradling him as the Spirit descended to bring Ez home to Jesus. I have never felt the Spirit as strongly as I did when I felt Ezra take his last breath. It was overwhelming...a strangeness that I cannot describe. Sadness, because my son would no longer be with me, but so much joy, because when you are filled with the Spirit, it is hard to feel anything but joy. I don't know why God planned it this way for us, and then other ways for other people. My sister had 3 babies die in utero (and then gave birth to them); she never got the chance to know her children. This family who lost their son last week lost him in a horrific accident (the baby was run over by a tractor). While I know what its like to lose a child, I cannot tell you what my sister was feeling, nor what this family is feeling. Nor what any of the people I know who have lost children are feeling. I know the depth of their pain, but it manifests itself differently in each of us.

Still, my heart is grieving for this family. I have been almost continually lifting them up in prayer. The Enemy will use this opportunity to strike and I am livid about that. I cannot allow it to happen. I plan to fast on Thursday of this week, which will be a week since baby Paxton went to Jesus...fast and pray for this family. And praise God that he has allowed enough healing in me that I can be an intercessor for other families who are walking along a similar path that I walked (and still walk). You don't get over losing a child, but you bring it with you and it compels you to be something different that you were. For that, I am thankful, because I am definitely a better person for knowing Ezra, and from losing him.