Confession

I guess first and foremost I ought to confess that I am not following through on my "weekly" confession posts. Not that I don't have anything to confess, just that I didn't get around to writing about it!

Doubt. Its a big one. Jesus often asked his disciples why they had doubt, I guess Thomas being the most famous one. Doubt is just a symptom of not trusting, which is really just lack of faith. And my doubt isn't so much in what He can't do, but what He won't do. And it leads back to my own human agenda and not being within His will. We are continually telling our kids "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." Ha! Maybe I should be an example of that myself! Of course, I don't openly show my distrust in front of the kids, but God sees it, hears it, knows it, feels it. I hear His whisper through His word. Trust me. Do not be discouraged. O, you of little faith... Sometimes its just so hard because I want something so much and wonder why its not in His will for me to have it. I am not talking riches, glory, fame. I'm really referring to our journey over the past 3 years of trying to move back to CA. We'd only been in AZ about 11 months when we decided we couldn't hack it and wanted to go back. We searched desperately for an opportunity; we prayed fervently for Him to lead us back. Of course, we set aside the reasons why we came here in the first place, because we never got what we expected. Just like a toddler not getting his or her way. And so, after three years I am wondering if He'll ever take us back there. Not because He can't but because He won't. Again, with the pouting. And the doubt. So, now, I seek His forgiveness for not trusting Him with this matter. For doubting that He knows what's best and knows how this all plays out in the end. And praising Him for what a good, patient, and gracious God he is!!!

James 1:6 "But, when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind."