Sorrow Upon Sorrow

Lately, I've been feeling like everything is stacked against me. Health, finances, school, kids, marriage, friends. Nothing seems to be going "right". And once again, I am discouraged. I hate the conspiracy theory that "the world" is against me. Because "the world" is God's and that would mean that He is against me. And I know that that is definitely not accurate.

I hate that a mere shift in my serotonin levels can break my faith. I hate that I am so weak, I cannot stand firm on the knowledge that all things work for the good of those who love Him (even the "bad" things). Because I do. Lord knows, I have a desperate love and desire for Him. With so much of my life out of whack, the constantness of this love for Him is all I have to cling to. Its all I have to keep me from giving up completely. Because that is what the "old" Sara would have done. Give up. Especially when I am feeling as hopeless as I feel right now.

At times like this, I can only rely on the Spirit to intercede for me. Because I have no words, or rather, I have nothing new to say. Just the same junk over and over; and the feeling that God is tired of hearing it. I know that I am tired of thinking it.

Psalm 62:5-8

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;

my hope comes from him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation;

he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

My salvation and my honor depend on God;

he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

Trust in him at all times, O people;

pour out your hearts to him,

for God is our refuge.

Selah