I've come to loath this question recently. Really? I have a disease in which my own body consumes itself, which is in its 5th week of flaring up. I can't take care of myself or my family. I can't do any of the things that bring me joy. I am stuck in AZ, in this unbearable heat, 400 miles away from the closest family. We have no help here. We don't have the means to hire help. So, we are doing this on our own. And it's hard. Really hard. I can't even pray about it anymore. How do you think I'm feeling?
I hate sounding so self-indulgent and ungrateful, because I am not. I am just feeling so completely helpless. And, my mind is starting to suffer as much as my body is. So, I vent, with my greatest apologies to the 3 people that read this blog. I, by no means, want sympathy--but only prayer. Especially since I can't seem to pray for myself anymore.
This song was once my very favorite song. I used to listen to it over and over and over again. How am I feeling, you ask? Well, right now, I can really relate to these lyrics.
Parking Lot by Mineral
I wouldn't mind if you took me in my sleep tonight
I wouldn't even put up a fight
I wouldn't care if you took it all away today
I'm sure I wouldn't even miss the pain
But I know I've got to live my life
And roll around on the ground and feel the strife
And realize along the way that I'm nothing more
Than a grain of salt in the salt of the earth.
And everything is grace
So come on with the darkness
Come on with the fear
Cause I've got to start somewhere
And it might as well be here
When I'm finally naked and standing in the sunlight
I'll look back at all of this selfishness and foolish pride
And laugh at myself
Listen to it:
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