Coming Out

Almost ready to join the world of the living. My colitis is improving daily and my arm is becoming more functional as the days go on. The panniculitis (inflammation of tissue) in my leg isn't getting better, but it isn't getting worse. I almost feel normal--only completely disconnected from everything and everyone. Besides my family and facebook, I haven't communicated with anyone in a month. I am feeling lonely, dejected. I've tried to use this time to grow with God, but I've spent so much of it bitter and irritated about the situation. I'm now starting to appreciate my time with Him again. The Word comforts me once again. I was so grateful to have Him over the past month because there were moments when I felt like everything else disappeared. It made me wonder about the first 10 years of my illness, which I endured without knowing His comfort. No wonder I was suicidal as a teenager. There were times over the last month when I just wanted to die. But, I heard Him say, "No, there is more." More what? I contemplated that for days. I've come to the conclusion that its not more of just one thing, but of many. His plans for me are not complete. Although I am still completely in the dark about what they are. So, once again, I am being taught to be patient. Knowing Him, its definitely worth it.

Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God."