When It's Been Nine Years

After nine years of your absence, I can't help but wonder what else there is to say. I feel like I've said it all. I've shared photos, poems I've written, songs by others, stories about your life and how we've kept you at the forefront of our memories. Every year, we commemorate your birthday. And, every year, we recognize your eternity day. A hard day for us, but probably your best day. Being welcomed into Heaven, having Jesus greet you with open arms. What a sight I wish I could have seen.

I try to picture you as a 10-year-old. But, in my mind, you are still that too-small 1-year-old baby who would never grow up. My heart still feels like you are a big part of our family. But, at the same time, as much as I hate to admit it, I can't really imagine how our life would look if you had survived. It would be drastically different, that's for sure. Not that it would be "better", but I still prefer it to not having you here. That much I know.

After nine years, what else can I say. I've poured out just about every experience we've had through the grieving process. There isn't much to add. Every year, I say it doesn't get easier. Because it doesn't. Every year, I'm reminded how loved we are and how loved you are, because I get this outpouring of support from family and friends. And, one can never forget the comfort we have, knowing where you are and that it's much better than where we are.

Some days, I can't wait to join you there. Others? Well, it's exciting watching your sibling grow. It's reassuring that our life has settled after the long storm. I'm a nurse now, something that would never have happened if not for you. We're back in CA now, which, again, may not have come to fruition had we not had the experiences we had, including losing you. So, we've settled into this not-so-new normal after 9 years without you. But, it doesn't mean we don't miss you every single day.

We do.

Every single day.

I know we will always feel that void, no matter how "good" life seems, until we are reunited with you. Praise Jesus for that opportunity. So, until that day, we celebrate your eternal restoration and your healing, even with a few tears. Here on earth as it is in Heaven.

Happy Eternity Day, baby boy.