10

Ten years. Ten years since I got a glimpse of me through the eyes of Creator of the Universe. Ten years since I forgot about the wrong I had done, and saw the Son of Man on a cross taking the punishment for me. Ten years since I accepted that there was nothing I could do to reconcile myself to the Father. Only His Son could do that for me. And so, I turned to Him. It was around 7:15pm, Sunday October 22, 2000 at the Graceland worship service at Santa Cruz Bible Church (geared toward high school/college students). I was 23. I had been attending the services for about 5 months at that point. I had read the Bible. I had taken a Discovery class. But, I hadn't yet surrendered my life to God. I hadn't admitted that my sin was beyond me. We were in the middle of the last worship song--Josh Fox, the worship pastor, was singing a song called "Everything" by Lifehouse. I listened to those lyrics and suddenly it was God singing to me (and not me singing to Him). "Find Me here, speak to Me. I want to feel you, I need to hear you." And that was it. I just knew I could no longer deny the reality of Who God was (is). I knew I had to decide to follow Him, or just be done with it completely. I couldn't live my life on the fence. So I jumped; with two feet. And Jesus has been holding my hand ever since, at the best of times and at the worst of times.

He's still at work in me. When the Bible talks about being transformed (Romans 12:2; 2 Cor 5:17) that doesn't mean it happens overnight. Its a growing process, like everything else. The Spirit in you slowly turns you away from things that are poisonous to you and back to God, the origin of everything that is good. It is not an easy process, at least it hasn't been for me (and I would argue with any Christian that tells you that it is easy). Its been a power struggle, you see. I say I gave my life to Christ, yet I wasn't ready to give Him full control. I still struggle with that. But, ultimately, I know that He is in control and the only control I have is whether to follow Him or not. And at every impasse over the past 10 years, I am so grateful to have had the option to follow Him!